I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
