If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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