That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
