hotel room ftw
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
