No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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