My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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