...so i touched it.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
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i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
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Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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