you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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