in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
