oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
