I am in a vortex of obligation.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
