She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
