I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
