I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
someone threw a dead crab at me
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i've created a new STD.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
