I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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