so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
