I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
