ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
These tits shall not be calmed
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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