omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
