i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
