p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
