Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
