I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
