I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize