Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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