im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
