i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
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HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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