I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
