the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dear god my vagina.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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