Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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