Well douche your snatch and let's go!
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
