It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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