i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
