i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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