Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
