he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
