you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Congratulations! We have a period
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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