history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
