No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
