Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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