he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
