i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
