Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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