For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
