If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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