I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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