some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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