I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
