So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
