We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
