One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
When are your genitals available?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
