He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
