I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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