so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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