is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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