this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
