I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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