that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize