i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
