Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
