I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
