Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
