YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
