i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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